A year ago, I ended the school year as an English teacher at Fallbrook High School, and I ended this blog for the summer vacation, stating that I would resume writing again at the beginning of the following school year. Well... things didn't exactly go as planned, and, now that it's almost exactly one year since my last post, I felt like I needed to give this blog the closure it deserved.
This past year has been a year of change. I am no longer at Fallbrook High School, and, more shockingly even to myself, I am no longer an English teacher. Instead, I am the Dance Director at Temecula Valley High School.
How did all of this happen? To be honest, it actually started about halfway through last year, but, at that time, I had no idea things would turn out the way they did.
A little background...
Growing up, I was a dancer, and although things like turns and flexibility did not come naturally to me, dance was my heart and soul and the thing I would spend almost all of my free time doing alone in my room or, when I could rope her into it, with my little sister. However, growing up, I was also frequently told that while dance was a fine hobby, it was not suitable for a career. Since I had no illusions that I was going to be signed by some professional dance company, I gave up dance and entered college as an English major, since reading and writing were the two other things in the world that I loved doing.
Well, it turns out that I couldn't just stop dancing. Almost as soon as I entered college, I found myself dancing in my dorm room and registering for dance classes. I even went so far as to audition for the major even though I knew that it was extremely unlikely to get in since I had already started my undergraduate studies. Of course, I didn't get in. "Oh well," I thought. "I will just take as many classes as I can that are offered to non-majors." And I did.
The Modern Dance class series I took at UCSB was taught by Nancy Colahan, a woman I greatly admired for her extensive dance career. One day, just before the start of class, Nancy took me aside and asked me if I had ever considered being a dance major. I was flattered that I stood out in class enough for her to ask me the question, but I was also embarrassed. I couldn't admit that I had, in fact, thought about it, auditioned, and been rejected, so I made up some excuse.
This interaction has always haunted me. What if I had told her the truth? This was a professor in the program! She could have helped me; she may have even been able to get me into the program. At the very least, if I'd been honest, I wouldn't have been left with the never ending, "What if's...?"
In January of last year, this is what I was thinking about one day as I was driving to work. That same day, I got a call from the front office asking if I could cover for one of the PE teachers during my prep period. I agreed. Afterwards, I happened to run into the former VAPA Department Chair at Fallbrook High School. Knowing of my dance experience and my desire to teach dance, he asked if I had ever gotten around to taking the Physical Education CSET because he was almost positive that the current dance teacher would not be returning to Fallbrook after her maternity leave. When I told him I had not, he encouraged me to do so, explaining that he had a feeling that the position would "just keep coming up."
As I drove home that day, I thought about my options. A couple years before, a similar opportunity had come up, but I did not bother taking the test then because I didn't have the time. Now, I had the time. I figured the worst thing that could happen was that I wouldn't pass, and since this would leave me in the same position I was currently in, that wasn't really all that bad. More importantly, if I took the test, I wouldn't be left with the same pangs of regret I was currently experiencing.
I took the test in April, and I passed all 3 subtests on the first try. Honestly, I don't really know how I did it, because immediately after taking it, I was convinced I failed. In any case, I passed, and that meant I was one step closer to having a credential that would allow me to teach dance.
When the position for dance teacher at Fallbrook posted in early June, I applied. I still had mixed feelings about leaving English, but, again, I felt I owed it to myself to at least apply. After a couple of weeks of not hearing anything, I got a call from HR to schedule an interview. Unfortunately, the interviews were being held while I would be in Hawaii on vacation with my family. Since the superintendent would not allow anyone to do a phone interview, I was out of luck.
I already had mixed feelings about the new superintendent at Fallbrook Union High School District, but this pushed me over the edge. I wasn't just some random person. I had worked at the district for 7 years. I even offered to do an interview via Facetime or Skype, so they could see that I was actually answering the questions they asked me without looking anything up.
Nope. If I couldn't be there in person, I couldn't interview.
I was mad.
But then the current VAPA Department Chair told me there was an opening at Temecula Valley High School. She said that if I was really serious about making the change from English to Dance, I should apply.
I still had not come to terms with leaving English, but after everything that had happened with not being allowed to interview for the dance position at Fallbrook, I decided I owed it to myself to at least apply. Again, I still had a full-time job that I enjoyed to fall back on, so I didn't really have anything to lose.
So, while I was in Hawaii on vacation, I reworked my cover letter and other materials and submitted my application. I didn't think there was much of a chance that I would actually get an interview. After all, this was a school that didn't know me. On paper, I was just some random teacher who had been teaching English for 7 years and who now wanted to teach dance.
But I got an interview.
And then, on the same day that I was going to a doctor's appointment to confirm that I was 6 weeks pregnant, I got offered the job.
Instead of starting another school year as an English/ELD teacher and former ELD Department Chair at Fallbrook High School, I was starting at a new school in a new subject. I became the Dance Director, in charge of the entire dance program, which consists of three teams and two beginning classes, at Temecula Valley High School.
And I was pregnant.
Holy sh*t.
Now, at the end of the school year, I can say, "I did it!" This year hasn't been easy, especially because I had to figure out a lot of the ins and outs of being a dance teacher and running the program on my own. (When I asked the former teacher for some advice, she lovingly said, "It's your program now! Do whatever you want!" Thanks...) Not only did I have to teach on a daily basis, but I also had to attend football games and basketball games, design and order t-shirts and costumes, and learn about cutting music and lighting a show. Additionally, in order to finalize my credential, I had to take 6 online classes. Oh. And I had a baby. In the backseat of my car. But that's another story altogether...
In the end, I believe I made the right decision to make this change in my career. It was one of those situations where the right opportunity came around at the right time. However, there are some things that I definitely miss about English and about Fallbrook. Here they are, in no particular order:
The people. I really, really, really miss my colleagues at Fallbrook. Being the only teacher in your subject area can be very isolating. Add that to the fact that I'm not exactly the most extroverted person in the world, and you get me knowing about 5 other teachers at TVHS after one year. At Fallbrook, I knew pretty much everybody (but I did work in a department of about 20 teachers and had been there for 7 years). I miss my friends who I would see almost every day, and I miss the people I would only see every now and then, like the one math teacher I would always run into at the end of the year, the day after school got out, and with whom I would always have a long heart-to-heart about the state of our school and our students. I miss them all.
And I also miss the students. I think that has to do with leaving Fallbrook and leaving English. I became an English teacher because I wanted to explore the issues and have the kinds of conversations that come up in an English class. I loved those moments, and I miss them. And I miss how they allowed me to develop close relationships with some of my students. This is not to say that I don't love my current students. I do. But... and this is may sound weird and even narcissistic... they don't seem to need me in the same way that some of the students in my English classes did. It's different.
I miss the drive. It was beautiful. If you've ever driven into Fallbrook, you know what I mean.
I miss knowing everything I needed to know about the school in order to do my job. Again, this is partially due to the fact that I was there for 7 years, but it also has to do with the fact that it was Fallbrook. Fallbrook hired quite a few teachers each year, so they did a pretty good job of making sure all the new hires knew what they needed to know and who they needed to know. At TV, I barely got a tour of the campus before starting out. Throughout the year, students would ask me where a specific classroom was, and I would look at them and shrug my shoulders. Why? Because I had no idea, and I didn't even have a map that showed the layout of the campus that would allow me to at least point them in the right direction. Also, there is nobody on campus who knows exactly what my job entails, so I pretty much just figure it out as I go. Luckily, there were only a few times this year when I ran into issues where someone asked me something like, "Did you write a PO for that? You need a PO." Me (in my head): "What's a PO???" (out loud): "No...." Sigh.
I miss being in a small district. Fallbrook is so small that I used to be on a first-name basis with the superintendent. When I had a problem or a question that needed to be solved or answered at the district level, I would email Jean Proctor in HR. Why? Because she was the only person to email. Now, if I have a question, it gets bounced around to 5 different people before I get an answer. Why does it get bounced around to 5 different people? Because each person is in charge of very specific things, so even if I have only 1 question, depending upon what it entails, it may take multiple people to tie their information together and answer my question.
The professional developments. Not all of them, of course, but some of them. Some of them were small and cozy and run by other teachers, and we would goof off and have fun and learn some really cool strategies. And then some of them were at CSUSM and had really good food... Yeah... I miss those ones, too.
The technology. Oh, the technology! I was spoiled at Fallbrook. From the time I started out, I had 8 computers in my classroom, and as the years went on, those 8 computers were in addition to a laptop cart and then a ChromeBook cart. Anytime I needed something, I just had to ask, and I would get it. I was lucky. As you can imagine, VAPA and PE classes are pretty much on the bottom of the totem pole when it comes to getting any kind of technology at a school...
And here are some of the things I do not miss:
The drive. I now have a 15 minute commute versus a 45 minute commute. Enough said.
The politics and the problems. I spent so much time trying to solve the problems at Fallbrook, and nothing ever happened. Or something would happen, but it wouldn't be enough. Or they'd try something for 1 year, and then give up on it. I hear it's better now with the new administration. But, man, let me tell you, working there was both exhausting and infuriating at times. In my last year there, I had to just stop caring about everything else and just focus on my classes, because I couldn't afford to emotionally invest myself in all the other stuff anymore. It was too much.
Pacing guides. Let's be honest. I never really followed the pacing guides anyway. I just taught what I wanted (always standards-driven, of course), and I spent as much time on it as my students needed. But there was always a little nagging feeling that I might get in trouble some day if the wrong administrator walked in on the wrong day.
Grading essays. Okay. I said it. I do NOT miss grading essays. I still have to spend just as much time doing my job, but instead of spending that time grading essays, I'm spending it at football games or other similar events. And you know what? I can take my kids with me to football games. And I can pay attention to them. I always felt bad for my son when I had a batch of essays to grade. He would play and try to get me to play with him, and I would have to tell him, "Sorry honey, Mommy has a lot of work to do right now." And I would sit there, grading essays for hours. And my son would come up to me every few minutes and ask, "Mommy, are you done yet?" "Not yet, honey. I'm almost done. I promise." I still sometimes have essays to grade, but it is like once a semester instead of once every couple of weeks.
Being exhausted all the time. There is something ridiculously draining about teaching English for 5 periods a day. You would think I would be more exhausted from dancing all day, but it's not even close. Teaching English is exhausting.
In the end, did I love being an English teacher? Yes. I did. But, to be honest, I think I just love being a teacher. I think I could teach anything (yes, Mom, even math) and enjoy it. And I think that's my take-away here. I was fortunate enough to find a profession that I am good at and that I really love. I love it so much that I may even go into teaching people how to be teachers sometime in the distant future.
And so, I'm signing off on this blog for good. I can't continue to write about "experiments in the English classroom" if I no longer have an "English classroom." Who knows... Maybe I will start up another blog about dance or teaching dance or teaching in general sometime in the future. But for now, I'm going to snuggle my baby and enjoy my summer vacation with my family.
